:)

6 days till closing on our house and like 90 days till wedded bliss. We are very much excited. Tonight I made Josh his lunch in a cute tupperware with compartments in it and I loved every second of it. I am a nerd. If theres anyone who deserves a nice compartmentalized lunch though, it's Josh - he was so sweet to me tonight as I definitely cried at the number on the scale. I stepped on the scale pre workout and it was so bad that I ran up to meet josh in the main part of the gym and I started crying. He walked me out of the gym and held me and told me I wasnt fat. He told me that the bagel I had had that morning was holding in lots of water weight. I am not sure if that was true or not but dang it made me feel good.

Well thats all I got for today. I am still getting used to this whole blogging thing again....not sure anyone cares about these small details in my life - but I like to document them and hey, if you like to stalk my blog- I am ok with that.

A rare spiritual blog.

It's 11:26 pm. I have to work in the morning. Would love to get up early and spend time with Jesus, doing the real prep work for marriage....but instead I sit, like a creepy obsessive lady looking a photos of strangers' weddings. It's so draining. On facebook I click on "all friends" I scroll through the list asking myself "now who may have attended a wedding recently and posted pictures of it on facebook?" I click away. Scouring the weddings of strangers comparing dresses, flower ideas and hairstyles. Feeling - most of the time - insecure about my own wedding. Comparing sucks. My sister reminded me it won't stop with the wedding...I'll compare my wedding, my body, my talents, my clothes, my money, my car, my house, my kids, my husband....I am not sure I know quite how to fight it over than immerse myself in truth somehow, but the thing with sin is that we like to cling to it and don't realize the freedom we have to let it go. Just some thoughts and stuff God is teaching me through wedding planning....and now, some thought provoking shane and shane lyrics.

there is a wicked man in me

wanting the wicked man's disease

fleeting pleasures, but pleasure indeed

oh Lord, take my envy of these things

and the prideful war within

take me to the place of sweet surrender

You are, You were, You will always be better!

this is a song of surrenderfor whom have i but You?

You are, You are better

forever so much better than the world

You are my portion (Lord you are...)

You are my portion (my reward...)

You are my portion

my never ending, overflowing Lord